Lost in a Map of Your Thoughts
by kawaii-teddy
Summary: I could never decode your mind. And I had never wanted to. That was, until now.
1. Prologue

**This is my very first story. Please help critique it. :D**

*Prologue*

The most difficult part of life has to be living.

You don't know what'll happen along the way. Nothing is planned, and no one is safe. That's why we have to make decisions all the time.

At least, that's my outlook on life.

And after living these years, I've gotten a taste of how cruel life can be. How its clutches can suddenly jerk out at the most inconvenient of times, and reel you back in to its torture base.

In that torture base, I see others like me. I don't feel so lonely anymore, I don't feel as empty. And slowly, one by one, they scatter and disappear. It's back to only me again.

And then I met you.


	2. Chapter 1

_Sometimes I wish I had never met you, because then I could go to bed at night not knowing there was someone like you out there. ~Anon._

You would never bat me an eye, you would always ignore me. But I admired you, either way. But I don't believe in love at first sight, so I just considered it as a fascination. I had a fascination with your perfect skills; perfect attitude; perfect indifference. You were the most perfect person in my eyes.

You were perfect in everyone's eyes.

I wanted to be the first one; the only one to see your imperfections-I know that everybody has to have imperfections.

You were never an exception to that one rule.

And as I kept drowning in my thoughts, I realized,

How selfish can I be?

I believe that everyone needs their privacy, and to intrude on someone else's rights, is a crime in itself. No one has the right to invade that personal space, that personal confinement. It's because of that one piece of fact, that everyone is able to stay sane in this world. To take that away, is like taking away that one last root keeping the tree in place. It collapses, and it withers away into nothingness.

We wither away into nothingness.

I was almost there; my root being hacked at continuously, never stopping to take a break.

You were there, the mastermind behind all of this. Well, one of them. I could never look past that blank canvas of a face. No one was able to catch you with a look any different than what you always had on. Like everyone else, I was captured by that stare, and I was—like everyone else—in your grasp. Controlled by you; even though we were able to move by our own free-will, we could never fool you. Those brash, sudden jerks in our line of pathway that we had chosen, you had somehow already suspected them. No one could fool you.

No one would ever be able to replace you.


	3. Chapter 2

_**I've realized that this story hasn't been going anywhere. It also has no plot so far. I'll try to get at least an actual name in there in this chapter. If not, then the next one.**_

I guess now, it's not about winning or losing. Not about survival, not about love. There's no boundaries anymore, no more limitations in a person's knowledge. There was never a stopping point in what a person can do, or what they will do.

So I guess now, I have to at least let a part of me move on. I may never be able to. I could be stuck at an in-between stage—not at the starting point, but not at the finish line either. I may be at the finish line, and then relapse back. There is no telling in what may happen now. But there is a goal.

My goal is not to find you, Itachi. My goal is to find me. So far, I don't think I'm anywhere near me goal yet. But I have the rest of this life to figure it out.

I'm finally coming out now Itachi, just like how you wanted me to. This was the reason that after 3 years you let me go, 3 years with a name that you had given.

So I could finally find me, finally find a reason for the life of Kata.

My reason for this life, was to finally find…

…I guess, nothing.

'_**Kata' means 'worthy'.**_


	4. Chapter 3

_**I hate how the last chapter had ended. But please, continue reading. Its summer break, I now have motivation. And time.**_

I trudge through the thick mud, unable to feel. I think I'm on my way somewhere, and I'm alright with wandering aimlessly, as long as I don't go back.

Then, this mud starts to slowly turn into solid ground, the terrain changing. Like flipping over a new leaf. Coincidentally, I'm on my way to the leaf village. The rain village is a place that I'd gladly leave.

You had found me there. Every corner that I had turned reminded me of you, Itachi. Every single fucking damn step had a memory attached. I never paid for a fucking 2 for 1 Itachi. Nor did I agree to go with you, just to be thrown aside, into the hands of that fucking terrorist (sissy) bomber and his gay asshole fuck-buddy. Dressed me up, stripped me down like one of Pinocchio's other little wooden whores, the blonde imbecile throwing his latest 'works of art' after non-fucking-stop, over, and over; and the zombie twins; blood; and blood; the damn pentacle; fucking jashinist with ropes; and brothels,; and, and-!

No. Stop. Stop. **Stop.**

Hold on.

Calm down; breathe, in; out.

I'm fine; I'm stable; I'm alright, okay, good.

Do what I do (not) best; one foot in front of the other, smile, "I'm fine, and you?".

Let them see what they want to see. After all, they only see the outside.

The outside is really what matters to them. Because they don't need to worry, they have no reason, because I never explicitly told them. It's easier that way, for them, at least.

But the majority of the difficulty has to go to someone. Me.

…

Selfish? I know. I should pity those less fortunate, not myself. But sometimes, sometimes…

Sometimes.

_**Next chapter, the gates.**_


	5. Update! Important!

_**IT'S BEEN TWO WHOLE FRICKING YEARS. I HAVE NEVER THANKED ALL THOSE WHO HAVE FOLLOWED, AND REVIEWED, AND FAVED. THANK YOU. I WILL GET ORGANIZE A LIST OF YOU GUYS AND PUT IT UP SOON, AND IF YOU GUYS WILL LET ME, I'LL SEND A LITTLE GIFT VIA POSTCARD TO YOU! :D (SORRY I DON'T HAVE IT UP ALREADY, I'M STILL GETTING THE HANG OF THE GMAIL ACCOUNT THAT THIS ACCOUNT IS ATTACHED TO)**_

_**I AM STUCK. I LOST INSPIRATION. ITACHI IS JUST TOO HARD OF A CHARACTER TO WRITE A STORY ABOUT.**_

_**BUT I WILL DO IT.**_

_**I WILL.**_

_**SO ANYONE WHO READS THIS, KNOW THAT BY THE END OF THIS WEEK I WILL HAVE THE NEXT CHAPTER UP. I HAVE TO. AND UNTIL THAT SATURDAY, I WILL BE TAKING ANY SUGGESTIONS.**_

_**IT DOESN'T HAVE TO BE A WHOLE PLOT. JUST ANYTHING FLUFFY THAT YOU WANT TO SEE HAPPEN BETWEEN THE OC AND ITACHI.**_

_**I WILL CHECK IN WITH YOU GUYS SOON! SO STAY TUNED!**_


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